The link
by Eomyn
Summary: A childhood illness links young Gabriela Dawson to early teens Matt Casey in an unforeseen and unpredictable way. As they become witness to each other's lives, they will have to figure themselves and each other before a move she has to make to survive threatens to sever their link forever.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello everyone. So, it's been like three years since I wrote a line in fanfiction, let alone a story. What can I say? I got hooked on CF from the pilot on and it only took me a few days to get up to speed to this year's fall hiatus...**

 **It's a short chapter, but it'll get better. I'm always open to suggestions!**

 **Enjoy**

* * *

November 5, 1992

Necker Hospital

Paris, France

5:00 pm local time

Life was bursting inside the children's hospital. Daytime made the place buzzing with energy, people in plain clothes and in doctor's coats or nurse's scrubs coming and going all around. Some were clearly in a hurry, others took their time. Some looked lost. Anna Dawson probably had looked like that the first time he had brought her daughter in the maze-like hospital. She had gone through the ER, maternity ward and even the Paris EMS headquarters all the way in the back. But today, she knew were they were going. Laennec pavilion, door 1, neurosciences division.

The third story was a consultations unit in neurology and neurosurgery. Two nurses were manning the desk which stood in the middle of the waiting area. All around were a good dozen of doctor's offices.

Leaving her daughter to sit, she went to the desk, greeted the nurse and announced herself. Getting a greeting in return, she was also told that Dr Francis was only about twenty minutes late on his schedule, so the wait wouldn't be too long. Armed with patience and the information, she thanked the nurse and sat beside her daughter.

Ten year old Gabriela Dawson didn't like hospitals. She only knew this one, but that was enough for her. She didn't like the bright colors of the unit, and the noise other children made playing around with the child-sized chairs and tables and toys and books and crayons. These days, she preferred the calm of her home. Or in the school's library during recess. Today she was especially nervous. She knew something was coming. She also knew she was babbling, but her mother didn't seem to mind.

5:35 had just passed when they entered the neurosurgeon's office after what had seemed like an endless wait. They were greeted by beige walls contrasting with a mock-wood desk and tree black chairs. Files were sitting on a white table at the other end, and a special light panel had been built on the wall for X-rays, CT scan and MRIs. A few pictures obviously made by children were the only reminders that this was the pediatric unit. Sitting in his chair after greeting his patients, the surgeon waited for his patients attention.

Time had come.

They would get answers.

And the day of the surgery.

Half an hour later, Anna and Gabby exited the office, both lost in their thoughts. Nothing the surgeons had said had really registered into ten year old's head. Shock had rendered her silent, and another part of her brain was trying to make out the big medical terms pronounced by the the middle aged man.

Nothing Gabby had ever read about medicine and the human body - that had been a lot, since she had always been interested in the subject and in dire need of diverting - had been about neurosurgery. She hadn't gotten to it yet. It was so complex... She didn't know about craniectomies, or laminectomies. Or her condition... Did the name start by a C? She couldn't remember. She knew she could and would remedy that, especially given the fact that it concerned her. And her operation.

Because she was the patient. Because she was sick. Because she was sick...

A few minutes later shout shattered the relative silence of the darkened hospital's streets.

"Non! Je ne suis pas malade! Je ne suis pas malade!"

* * *

Chicago, Illinois

Same time

Mrs Goldberg's eight grade English class was like doing penitence for most of her students. The 50-something teacher drawled on a book nobody cared about with her monotonous voice. The principal result from her lack of presence was that mist of her class slept. She didn't mind, since that kept her silent. Still, only the most gregarious of students managed to stay awake and be interested.

Thirteen year old Matthew Casey wasn't one of them. Like his best friend Kelly Severide and most of the class, he wasn't paying attention. Sleeping wasn't a habit of his though, he thought if disrespectful. Instead, he read, wrote, communicated by notes with awakened friends, did homework... Anything but English. It worked for him since he had less to do at home and maintained good grades. And it worked for his teacher since he kept quiet. Today was like any other day. He was only waiting for the class to end.

Twenty minutes into the hour, class life got interesting.

A shout woke everyone up.

"Non! Je ne suis pas malade! Je ne suis pas malade!"

Like everyone else, Kelly looked at the scene. His best friends eyes were unfocused, and he had stood up, sending everything on his table crashing down on the floor. He had no idea what had just happened, and seeing the slowly returning focus into his friends eyes, Matt didn't either.

Mrs. Goldberg immediately intervened, coming closer to their corner.

"Mr. Casey. Mr. Casey. Mr. Casey."

It took a few tries, but Kelly finally saw the light coming back.

"Yes, Mrs. Goldberg?"

"Are you alright? What happened? Would you like to go to the infirmary?"

Three questions were clearly too much to handle. "Yes, I'd like to go."

"Mr. Severide. Accompany your friend, since you're not doing anything else in my class."

Kelly wouldn't touch this one, but he was glad for the get-out-of-jail-free card.

"Sure." Taking Matt by the shoulder, he spurred them on. "Come on, Matt. Let's go."

Once he was sure no one would hear the conversation, Kelly began talking.

"Hey, man, you scared me."

"Yeah, that makes two of us."

"So, since when do you speak French?"

Incomprehension showed in his friends face.

"I don't."

"Remember yelling?"

"Yeah. Vaguely."

"Well, that was French. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah. Thanks man for accompanying me."

"Anytime."

Kelly knew his friend wasn't saying the whole truth, but he let it go. It had been the first time, he was sure of it. Matt would have never hidden something like that. Instead, he chose to let his friend deal with it and didn't insist. The questions could come later.

They had just reached the infirmary when Matt spoke again.

"Go back, okay? I'll see you later."

Kelly waited for his friend to enter, then went back to English class with a last look at his friend.

* * *

 **Should I continue?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello everyone. Thank you a thousand times for the reviews, they often make my day and keep me going.**

 **Enjoy the second chapter.**

* * *

May 8, 2012

Chicago, Illinois

8:15 am (5:15 pm GMT)

Life was quiet at the firehouse. Roll call was done, and everyone had then repaired to the common room next to the kitchen.

Matt looked at his friends, taking in the little things they did with and for each other. He did that sometimes, just looking, watching, observing how well they worked together, how much like a family they were. It helped on hard days, on had calls, and for everyday life. Cruz and Otis were reading the paper at the table while Mouch was sitting on his sofa, watching TV and waiting for candidate Peter Mills to cook breakfast. Coffee, bacon, pancakes, potatoes and eggs. Everything you needed until lunch came along. The table was being set - sort of. It mostly consisted in getting out the dishes and disposing them in several piles for everyone to take.

Everyone was in a good mood. The weather had finally turned clement after weeks of late cold and heavy rain, and the sun was finally shining.

Well, everyone but Matt. For him, it was more complicated than that. The reason was, he had a huge headache coming on. One that wasn't his.

"Gabby?"

" _Not now, Matt. I'm at work_."

He had called her silently, but talking out loud was easier between them, and a sure way for the other not to lose parts of the conversation in the process. Though it had been with him for twenty years, only Kelly knew of Gabby and their link, and he wanted to keep it that way. To ensure their privacy, he quickly finished breakfast, put his dishes in the sink and walked towards his quarters, closing the door as he sat on his chair.

"I know, me too, but I suddenly had a huge headache coming in and I was just sitting eating breakfast at the time..."

" _It's me. You know it's me. I just got up too fast_."

"And it came on?"

" _Yeah. That hadn't happened in a long time_." Definitely, Matt thought. " _It'll be okay. Oh, and..._ " He could feel her concentration, and he knew she was shutting out part of their link as his headache progressively disappeared into nothingness.

"Thanks, I feel better."

" _Yeah, me too_."

Her answer had been a little too quick for his liking, but he let it go. She sounded tired, and she sometimes was more susceptible than others to physical fatigue. He would ask later. Moreover, he knew Gabby wouldn't say anything she didn't want to.

" _So... Wait. Since I have you in my head, we definitely have to catch up_."

She stayed silent for a while, and he waited her out, before talking once more.

" _Sorry that took longer than I expected. We usually pack up faster_."

"Are you sure you're okay?"

" _I'm okay Matt, I promise_."

He knew it annoyed her more often than not, but he couldn't help worrying. She was his best friend.

" _So, what's up?_ "

"Well, we got a new candidate about three weeks ago. A legacy. His dad worked here like fifteen years ago. He's a good kid. He'll be a great firefighter. But I think I'll lose him to Kelly. Again. Don't you get students too?" It was better to change the subject before he went into another rant about candidates always willing and wishing to go to Squad. He had had subjected her to a few of those over the years.

" _Yeah, I do, but not that often. They mostly get medical students in the ambo. First thing I do is cutting them down to size - unless it's not needed, but it often is - and making sure they know basic stuff like calculating the autonomy of the oxygen tanks right away._ "

"That's my girl. So to speak."

Talking seemed to had a good effect on her. She sounded better already.

" _Damn right. So, how's Hallie?_ "

"She's okay. She works hard. Bit I think someone taught her the same things you do all medical students because I've never seen her being cocky with anyone."

" _Or maybe they teach medicine differently in America_."

"Possibly, yeah. So, what's up with you?"

" _Same old, same old. I haven't talked to my best friend in four months so I missed him a little, other than that work's been great. We've_

* * *

 _had a party with every team in Paris recently, and that made a lot of people. It's a good things some of us apparently have big apartments, or even the rare townhouse_."

"Still single?"

" _So, what else is new? But you know, I'm not worried about that. I'm not the typical girl so I guess it'd take a very special guy to accept the other man in my head. Do you realize that I don't know what you look like and I don't have your full address or even your phone number?_ "

Apparently, he wasn't the only one for changing the subject.

"Same here, Gabby. But why would you want my phone number?"

" _You can be so dense, sometimes. It's just an example. But how does your wife accept the other woman in your head?_ "

"Sometimes she's not really happy about it, so I avoid speaking to you in front of her. It's not medical, not scientific, so Hallie doesn't get it. Otherwise, she's great. Most of the time she's okay with you. I think the 4,000 miles between you and me are a good thing in this instance. And we're talking about kids again."

" _Yeah, that had to go over well... So?_ "

"Let's just say it's a work in progr..."

The siren made itself known at this moment, calling Truck, Squad, Engine and Battalion to a building fire.

"I gotta go."

" _Me too. We're back at the hospital. Good luck. See you soon._ "

"Yeah, see ya."

And with that, the connection was lost. Not losing a second, he pushed this and everything they had talked about out if his head. His men needed him fully focused on the job. The chief. Hallie. Hell, even Gabby needed him fully focused on the job.

The last thing he allowed himself to think was to wonder when they would talk next. The inability of establishing their link willingly wasn't always easy to bear.

* * *

Pitié-Salpétrière Hospital

Paris, France

6:35 pm (5:35 GMT)

They had been back at their station just before Matt had been called away and the link had been lost. If there was one thing she hated about the guy in her head, it was never to know when she could talk to him again. They had tried to manage it anyway they could, to no avail. So Gabby always made sure to know everything she could about his life each and every time. Like he'd do if his life had triggered the link. Talk about non scientific. Hallie did have that one right.

She sat, finishing the paperwork and replenishing the ambo for the next team. Her friend and colleague would arrive soon. Night began at 7, for a twelve hour shift. Some ambos still worked on the old twenty four hours shift beginning at 7 am, but not at this hospital. And she was glad for it. Twelve hours was hard enough as it was, and leisure time was few and far between.

Their previous call had been simple in its resolution, but very long. The patient had been transported, IV and all, by the firemen, so they had been spared a potentially long trip back. She had watched the men work to get the patient into their bright red ambo, then had climbed into the back of her white one.

The drive to and from calls was something she loved about her job. Tony, the driver, was a middle aged, very experienced driver, sometimes being a bit crazy on the road. This wasn't anything like what she saw on the American TV shows. Most of Paris streets weren't straight nor large. So, you improvised.

Neither Tony nor Jules - the M.D. of the team - had been surprised by her not jumping in the front with them. They had done it too, on occasion, as it could reveal itself to be the only quiet time to talk to family and friends on a busy day. They never saw her phone, but they weren't really looking either.

The headache had come on really strong, really fast, oppressing like there hadn't been enough space for her brain in her head. Which was true, but it had been treated long ago. Still, she hadn't had a headache like that in years, and the shock - emotional and physical - had opened the link, giving her best friend a good idea of how she felt. Making it better always involved the same steps. No sudden movement, rest, strong anti-inflammatory medicine she kept in the ambo and talking to Matt if she could.

Her headache would stay for the rest of the day, but at least she had killed it for him quickly. That was always a good thing. Her day was ending soon, as his had just begun. He couldn't be feeling like that because of her. It wasn't right. Like that had prevented him from worrying. It touched her, but it definitely got on her nerves more. She just now hoped for a calm end of shift. With no new calls.

Gabby rejoined her team as they came to file their paperwork. The driver, nurse and doctor made their way to the last story of the emergency medicine unit, where food, drinks and just a place to relax waited for people twenty four hours a day. Sitting down at a table, then team began to relax and talk about their day, sharing the experiences and putting them behind. It was a team effort. The personnel of the specialized unit all knew each other, worked with each other, spent time outside of work... They could spend hours without getting out, but a call was always hard and long. But that's what she loved. The adrenalin, the rush, the teamwork. The cases, patients, working with firemen to save as many people as possible. She didn't want to stop working, but that was getting ahead of herself. Today's headache could very well be a isolated incident. Like she needed a reminder. It had been a shock, but that where Matt had come in handy. Shocks had been known to open the link. And he had been known to make her feel better. Always.

May 8, 2012

Chicago, Illinois

9:27 pm

Matt stretched on his bed, his arms crossed behind his head, thinking back to his day. The 8:30 call had been a fully involved building fire, they had just has the time to rescue six people who hadn't been able to get out. All six still were at the hospital, but last he'd heard, only one was in critical condition due to pre existing diseases. No one from their side had been injured, and that had been a blessing.

It had been a busy day, but he couldn't really focus on it. It had been hard to stay focused on the job when they had been at the firehouse. His mind had had only one direction. Gabriela Dawson.

She had sounded like she had had a busy day too. Holidays always were busy days, even when it just meant ceremonies it the townhouse and flags on busses. People were just crazier.

He often missed her later on when they had talked, and today was no exception. He hoped she was okay, with no pain left. It hadn't always been the case with them. The first contact had been... Difficult. Because of him...

* * *

November 5, 1992

Necker hospital

Paris, France

6:30 pm local time

Yelling had been good. Really good, and liberating. Just not enough. Not by a long last.

"I can't be sick. Not this sick. I don't understand. He told us I had too much liquid in my head? And I probably was born with it? So why do I have to be operated on now? Why can't it wait? I don't want to miss more school. I like it. They're nice with me. Most of the time."

Apparently, there was more to this, but her ten year old brain had lost the thread somewhere in the middle. Knowing she would get the missing informations, she stayed silent and as concentrated as hard as her diminishing strength permitted her to after the day she'd had.

"Yes, you do have too much liquid in, or apparently around, your brain, and yes, you were probably born with it. You did have a big head, so much so I almost had had to have a caesarian section. Also, the operation won't cure the quantity of liquid you have in the head. It'll cure the very bad effects the excess had on your brain. And on you. You know, the tiredness, headaches, vertigo, difficulty walking and coordinating movements, the ants you feel in you hands and feet. And the muscle weakness."

All those symptoms put together looked very bad indeed. She really had all that?

Thinking back on the last year, she had to face the truth. Yes, she did.

"So, my darling, what that liquid did is to push your brain outside of your head. Not much, but enough to cause damage."

"Okay." Gabby had a hard time getting her head around that. Who had ever heard of brain outside is the head?

"So, they're going in, on December 15, to make sure everything has enough room in there to develop and flow normally."

"After the operation, I'll be cured?"

"There's a good chance of that, yes."

"Good. Okay."

There was probably more details to be had, bur for now it was enough. More than enough. Plus, there was an annoying, mostly incomprehensible, yelling voice in her head, and it was not helping matters at all.

Chicago, Illinois

Same time

Matt heard it again. " _Autant malade..._ " This time, he didn't jump. " _Trop_..." But again, the voice wasn't yelling. " _Liquide_..." Just speaking gibberish and very, very fast.

" _Tête_..." Only, he couldn't rest with all this noise in his head. He couldn't think. " _Depuis toujours_..." And he happened to have a killer of a headache. " _Aime l'école_..." It had to stop. It had to stop. " _Gentils_..."

So, he started yelling. Especially since this was a joke, a very special and very sick one. But it couldn't be real. And it couldn't be him. The voice had yelled. He could yell too.

"This is a trick. There's a speaker here somewhere and movie dialogue is getting out of it. Bad movie dialogue I don't understand. It's not possible. I don't speak gibberish, so it's not in my head. I'm not inventing a language. I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy. They're gonna pay. Whoever is doing this is gonna pay. A lot. I humiliated myself in front of everyone. I jumped for my life in front of everyone! Not funny! Not funny!"

Her voice silenced him.

" _No... Joke. No... Speak... English_."

And then, total silence.

* * *

 **Thoughts?**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello everyone. Thank you first and foremost for the reviews. They sure made my day.**

 **I had a few questions - which I love - I adressed here or in the next chapter. Remember, I'm always open to suggestions. So, keep them coming!**

 **Enjoy.**

* * *

May 13, 2012

Pitié Salpétrière hospital

Paris, France

"Okay, what have we here," yelled nurse Leslie Shay to the arriving Gabby and Jules.

"Probable suicide attempt. Fall from fourth floor." The doctor answered, before tuning to his colleague to give her the details. Gabby did the same at her level, with her best friend.

"35 year old female, with a history of depression and anxiety disorder. First attempt. She was conscious with a GCS of 12 when the firemen arrived on scene, Pulse 120, respiration 23 and BP 134/96 left, 102/76 right. She has a probable aortic dissection, and a non hemorrhagic open left femur fracture. We also suspect a pelvis fracture and lesions to her vertebrae. With that she's go

* * *

t left tib-fib and right humerus fractures. Contusions on her torso and abdomen. At our arrival her GCS was 6, respiration 32, pulse 130, left BP 75/50, right BP 60/38. I put in 2 IVs, we passed 2 liters so far plus 500cc of plasmion to restore her volume. We intubated her and began a classic sedation protocol."

"Okay. Thanks Gabby, we'll take it from here."

Retreating to a corner and waiting for her MD to be done, she watched her best friend get the last necessary procedures before the patient's immediate transfer to CT on her way to emergency surgery.

Another thing Gabby loved about working here was that her best friend worked there also. They had the same boss, their schedules were similar and that gave them multiple occasion to work together.

Being done, the tall, skinny blond went to embrace and talk to her best friend.

"Gabby."

"Shay."

"So good to see you."

"Well, we saw each other last week."

"Yeah, but when you bring in a patient, I know he's been very well taken care of in the field."

"Gee, Shay, I should thank you on behalf of my colleagues."

"Hey, you know I love them too. But I didn't go to school with them. I went with you."

"Don't remind me."

"Hey." But now Gabby went onto a subject she was sure would always interest her best friend.

"By the way, I talked to Matt last Tuesday."

"And you waited four days to tell me?"

"I didn't see you."

"What happened to you phone?"

"Nothing. I've been busy. And on the odd chance our conversation opens up the link, I know you'd want to be there. I know you like him too."

"That's true. Just not the same way you do. I really don't get why he doesn't want you to have his information. Leave it to him to want to preserve the uniqueness of your form of communication."

"Yeah, yeah, I heard that before."

"So, what's up with him?"

"He's got a new candidate. He says he's great, but he'll lose it to squad. And he's been talking with Hallie about kids. Again. And... Well just being my friend."

"I don't like her."

"I know. I'm not a fan either."

"Wow, I think it's the first time you admitted it to me. But how could you be, when she doesn't want you in his life."

"What would you say if your girl had another girl in her head?"

"Point taken. But I'd expect her to tell me what is wrong, and unless it's actually a case of her cheating on me, I'd be okay with it."

Leslie evidently worked in strange and amazing ways.

"Okay, last question because we both have to get back to work."

"Who triggered it?"

"I did. I had a headache, the kind I had before my operation, and it shocked me to my core. It opened and gave the pain to Matt too."

"Oh, sorry, I know you hate that, the same way he hates it when you can feel when he's been seriously hurt. Are you okay though?"

"Yeah. Didn't come back, and receded to a manageable level quickly."

"Okay. I'm glad. I gotta go."

"Okay. See you soon."

"Bye."

* * *

June 10, 2012

Chicago, Illinois

"Matt? Matt? What is wrong?"

"Hey, Gabby. I'm glad you're here."

"What is wrong?"

"Well, apparently I don't share."

"Come again?"

"Yeah. I just had a huge fight with Hallie and that's what she told me. We live at my place because it works best for us both, and we didn't have buy anything substantial after we got married. Even the wedding didn't cost much."

"That's what happens when you elope."

"Yeah, that was the idea. Not having to wait, I mean. I had a close call and I told her we should elope because we didn't know what's going to happen tomorrow and that all differences could be resolved later. I probably wasn't really romantic but she said yes all the same. So we jumped on a plane, got married, and got back because she had only two days off."

"But that was six years ago. You really tell me you didn't buy anything. Not a car, or something in this price range?"

"Nothing but a new mattress and a few other pieces of furniture. It's bad, right?"

"Like you said, all differences will be resolved later."

"Yeah."

"You don't sound convinced."

"I don't want to change things. I like them as they are. We were never friends. You and I are friends, she's my wife."

"You're such a guy. She should come first."

"You're so much easier to talk to."

"Yeah, because I made the first step."

"By the way, why did you?

"Why did I what?"

"Learn English in between that disastrous first contact and the next time we linked?"

"Because I knew it'd be better if we could understand each other. I couldn't count on you to learn a foreign language so I learned English because it's easy to do and it's very encouraged at school. So that if you came back into my head, I'd know more than a dozen words."

"Thank you."

You already thanked me. Seventeen years ago."

"Thank you. Again."

He could feel their link weaken and disappear. Talking to her had always had this calming and soothing effect on him. Ever since the first time he took the time to listen.

* * *

September 21, 1995

Chicago, Illinois

11:20 pm local time

He'd been asleep for a while when a voice woke him up from the troubled sleep he'd been having on the living room couch. Standing next to him was his mother, shaking. The weird look on his face had quickly cleared the cobwebs.

"Matt. Matt. I need you to listen to me. I did something. Something that had to be done. I don't expect you to forgive or forget, but I have to make things right. The police is going to come here, and take me in. Don't fight them. Be strong. I don't know when I'll see you again but I need you to know that I love you."

He was worried. Really worried.

"Mom, what did you do?"

"I killed your dad. I had to."

Matt wasn't listening anymore. He wasn't registering anything. The police showing up made him jump. He hadn't even heard the sirens. Everything was a blur. Everything was happening in a very fast and very slow motion at the same time. The last image to reach his brain was one his mom being taken away and a far, far away voice telling him to call his sister.

Everything else was a blank.

Paris, France.

Same time

Gabby awoke screaming.

She had just had a nightmare.

She had seen a brunette being taken away by the police. Indiscernible voices were all around. And pain. She could feel pain. But not physical pain. This one felt like a hole had just been dug into her. Into her heart, her insides. Into her very being.

And then she realized, it wasn't a nightmare.

It was real.

But it wasn't her.

So, she tried.

Chicago, Illinois

Just following

"It's going to be fine. You're going to be fine."

In the middle of the blur and the shock, a voice came crystal clear in Matt's mind. A voice he had heard once before. Almost three years ago. This time, it talked slower, but he understood it, and he didn't have the brain power to process the change or ask why.

"No, it's not going to be fine. My mom killed my dad. I don't have anyone anymore."

"You have me."

"I don't know you. I think I'm crazy."

"No, you're not. I'm sorry for your mom. And I'm sorry for you. Mostly for you."

"Thanks. But I don't know who you are."

"Gabriela Dawson."

"Matthew, Matt, Casey."

"Okay Matt, I know you're far away, but I'm gonna stay here as long as you need me, and I'm gonna try and hold you hand."

Matt didn't reply. He could feel, like a phantom sensation, someone sitting next to him on the couch and holding his hand. As if she were there.

"Thank you."

Paris, France

September 23, 1995

For three days Gabby had been there, concentrating on Matt and no one or nothing else. When she slept, she dreamt she was next to him, in a shapeless environment, just sitting next to him or standing next to him no matter where he was.

He hadn't moved much. She could tell. She could feel it. He had just changed places to live. More than that, she didn't know. She couldn't tell. He hadn't said much. Just thank you.

And when he slept, he was still there, and she saw images in her head that looked like nightmares.

But she stayed. She could feel the emotional pain, and the exhaustion coming over him. It was going to win and sever the link soon.

Until next time.

But until then, she'd stay. She had his name, and she didn't think he was an adult yet. She had felt that loss of innocence, it had come in her initial nightmare with the first void carved into her. He had lost his innocence.

And so had she.

What she had gained in return was infinitely more precious. A partner in some of her life. A infrequent friend. A literal, physical soulmate.

When the link disappeared, two days later, she collapsed in class and slept for the next twenty four hours.

* * *

July 14, 2012

Paris, France

Shay and Gabby were slowly walking down the Canal Saint-Martin. Signs of a party could be seen everywhere. The hot weather and light breeze made Bastille Day a very fine one to be outside. Later on, fireworks would start, but for now groups of friends just sat, drank, laughed and played instruments on the canal's banks.

The two friends were enjoying their day off, and talking of someone who often became the subject of some of every conversation they had that wasn't strictly work-related. The guy in Gabby's head. CFD lieutenant Matt Casey.

"Stop! I already told you, there's nothing between us. Just friendship."

"Is he gay?"

"Him? God, no. We're just not interested in each other that way, never were."

"Okay." Shay wasn't convinced.

"He has a wife, you know that..

"I tend to forget or look over unimportant details. It wouldn't stop me."

"It stopped us. I'd never do that. I'll always support him, and help in any way I can, but we're not like that. He's in love with Hallie."

"Yeah."

"Hey, you have to believe me." Gabby sounded shocked at her best friend not believing her."

"I don't. But you can think whatever you like. What's he look like anyway?"

"I don't know."

"What?"

"I don't know."

"You've known him, what, twenty years?"

"Yeah.

And you don't know what he looks like?"

"How many times do I have to say it? I don't know what he looks like."

"How come?"

As Gabby managed to tell Shay why they hadn't seen each other, ever, she couldn't help but remembering the last time the subject had come up between them...

" _I_ _don't even know what you look like." Matt suddenly said one day, completely changing the conversation they'd been having._

 _"I don't either."_

 _"Yeah, but I'd be okay with showing you."_

 _"Sorry, Matt. I'm not ready for that." Even at 22, she couldn't manage it. She preferred leaving him in the dark to having him react negatively. Lack of self confidence did that to a person. Especially when you knew how to put up a front._

 _They had found out little things over the years. She knew he was blond, and she knew what Hallie looked like because he had focused on her once. She'd seen his bloody hands on a very bad call and his turn out gear while figuring out what could go through. She had showed him her white ambo, and Shay. He'd probably seen her hands, but that was it. And for now, it would be._

* * *

July 25, 2012

Chicago, Illinois

3:30 am

An insistent pounding woke Kelly Severide up from pleasant dreams.

Half dressed in short pants, he went to open the door.

"Yeah, I'm up. God, this better be..."

The look on his best friends face stopped him.

"Man, you look like hell."

"I can't sleep."

"So you woke me up? We have to be at work in... 4 hours, give or take."

"Hallie is leaving."

"Come again?"

"Yeah, she going to participate in a mission in Africa. She'd said no at first, but we had a huge fight and they just included her in like that. Her plane leaves tomorrow evening. I guess they really do need doctors, do they?"

Kelly knew a rhetorical question when he heard one. But, leaving like that? For Africa? Just the mandatory vaccines took weeks to get. But it wasn't his place to judge. Seeing that no other information was forthcoming, he prodded his friend a bit more.

"So, what was this huge fight about?"

"Any more of this conversation is going to require alcohol in some shape or form."

Yeah, sleep did make him forget his manners. They had been standing on his doorstop for the last five minutes at least.

"Come in. Sit down. I'll get the beers. Then I'll see if we need something stronger."

As he executed himself, Matt resumed talking.

"She said I don't share." Matt gulped his first sip of beer. "Again." Then another. "We seem to butt heads a lot on this particular subject lately."

Kelly stayed silent.

"I mean, I like things the way we are. We live at my place because it's very convenient for both of us, and it came readily furnished. We didn't have to buy much, except some pieces of furniture. I don't see how this can be seen as me not sharing."

"You mean to tell me that you don't have any joint property? That is valued up from a few hundred bucks?"

Matt seemed to think, and then replied.

"No."

"Man, you've been married six years. Don't you have plans?"

"Yeah, I do. Anyhow, I don't see how it's all relevant."

"Because you don't have anything that is truly yours. You're welcome to stay here until we get to work, but you really need to reevaluate this situation. Would you be willing to buy a house with her? Something you both chose? Or even a car? Don't you think change is good?"

"Remind me to wake you up more often. You get smart in the middle of the night." Irony was dripping from Matt's voice.

"F*** you."

"Anyhow, how long is her trip?"

"Three months."

"That'll give you plenty of time then."

"For what?

"To get the answers to those questions."

* * *

July 25, 2012

Chicago, Illinois

3:45 pm (21:45 GMT)

He had done it. He had delivered his first baby. A boy. In the backseat of a car, all alone but for the paramedics help over the radio. There wasn't anything like it. Delivering it. Hearing it dying for the first time. Giving it to its parents.

Nothing like it.

It had only taken a split second, but he was sure. He wanted a child.

Soon.

Very soon.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks a million for those reviews. You guys seriously rock! So keep them coming.**

 **I find those chapters a bit small, but I don't seem to be able to write more than 2500 words each time. What do you think?**

 **Anyway, enjoy.**

* * *

July 25, 2012

Paris, France

10:45 pm (21:45 GMT)

Gabby had felt it.

The overwhelming joy.

The deep happiness.

Everything.

And she had known. He had delivered his first baby.

So, she stayed silent. No manifestation, nothing.

With some luck, he wouldn't pick up on it. It was possible. She wasn't doing anything but watching a movie.

This was private.

All his.

* * *

July 25, 2012

Chicago, Illinois

6:30 pm (00:30 GMT)

Every member of firehouse 51 was silently seated at dinner. They had been back from another call and were ravenous. Hopefully, the pasta alla carbonara had been another of Mills' specialties with the added bonus of being quick to make, and would give them the energy needed for the second part of the shift.

Upon her arrival, Hallie was immediately cheered and adressed.

"Hey, Hallie. Come here. Sit with us." Herrmann said, always quick to invite friends to eat with them.

Unsure of what to do and having already eaten, Hallie nonetheless sat down to a full plate of pasta, and dug in. Not doing so would be rude and it smelled great.

"Thanks, guys."

The meal passed in good humor and many laughs, no one except Kelly noticed the married couple not really speaking to each other, or even making eye contact.

Twenty minutes later, they both retreated to Matt s office under more cheers and catcalls. Hallie saluted them all, in case they'd be called again before she could say a proper good bye. Plus, she wasn't going to see them for a good while.

Hallie sat down on Matt's chair while he sat on his bed, face to face.

He opened his mouth before she could.

"I want to share. And I want a kid. Soon. When you come back. And we can go look for someplace new, I guess. We'll have to, with a baby on the way."

"Wow, Matt. What are you talking about?"

She didn't really like the direction this was talking.

"I delivered a baby today. And it made me realize there was nothing I wanted more than a child. We could start as soon as you get back."

Hallie could see the excitement coming from every pore of his skin, and his eyes had lit up.

"Matt. I don't. I can't."

Astonishment became him.

"What?"

I don't want children. I don't think I'll ever want them."

Then, absolute horror.

"But..."

"I don't."

Upon these words, Hallie couldn't bare the look on his face. She ran away, not hearing him call after her.

20 minutes later

" _Matt_?"

"Gabby. Did I woke you?"

" _Yeah. Doesn't ma..._ " He cut her off, not really focusing on anything.

"I don't know what to do. Two weeks ago she tells me I don't share. I finally get where she's coming from, even if I like things the way they are. I don't really want them to change. Unless... It had to. My house isn't big enough for a family. I knew it when I bought it. I couldn't afford anything else back then. But now she doesn't want that family. She doesn't."

" _She told you so_?"

"Yeah. I delivered a child, a boy, earlier today. I was alone but for the how-to from the paramedics on the radio. I want a child, Gabby. Soon. Very soon. And she said no."

" _She said no_?"

"Yeah. I don't know what to do. She's not going to change her mind, I know it. I mean, how come she didn't tell me before? I could have waited, I think, until she was done with her residency. But delivering this baby changed me. I want one, now. Kids always were a difference between us. One we always told we'd get sorted out later. It was our motto, you know? When we got married. But there's no later anymore. Or sorting this out. She doesn't want kids. She's never wanted them. Never."

" _I'm sorry_."

"Me too. I was ready for things to change. I could do it. But now I don't see the point. I reall..."

" _Matt? Matt?_ "

Same time

Outside

Over the years, Hallie had come to know the ins and outs of firehouse 51 pretty well. So, when she had been ready to talk again, she'd gone back to the first floor, eschewing everyone in the common room. She had a feeling Matt would still be in his office. He wouldn't have wanted for his men and friends to see him like that. It was probable that nothing had changed. The door would probably still be open.

Ascending the stairs, Hallie found herself next to the chief's office. She only had a little way to go to rejoin Matt and continue this discussion. Because it wasn't done, not by a long shot. Things would change, and if he could wait a few more years until she was completely done with school, she'd be okay with having one child. She would do it for him, if not for her. Because she hadn't changed her mind, she didn't want children. Above all, she didn't want to lose her husband.

His voice stopped her dead in her tracks.

"One, now. Kids always were a difference between us. One we always told we'd get sorted out later. It was our motto, you know? When we got married. But there's no later anymore. She doesn't want kids. She's never wanted them. Never."

"Me, too. I was ready for things to change. I could do it. But now I don't see the point. I reall..."

He had seen her.

After minutes of total silence, she couldn't bare it anymore.

"Remember what we said when we eloped?"

"Yeah. She said that all differences we had could be sorted out after. Because as long as we had each other, it didn't matter."

"I remember."

"What changed?"

"Nothing. You know I've wanted children my whole life. It's always been a deal-breaker. I thought if we waited you'd want them too. I could have waited for you to finish your residency. Maybe. But not after today. And not after you told me you didn't. Want. Them. And. Never. Had."

He'd had trouble with the last few words.

"I'm sorry. I thought it would come to me. I hoped with all my heart for the want and instinct to come. But it didn't. I don't want children."

"What changed?"

"You don't shar...

"Are we back to that?"

He had interrupted her, but she didn't back down.

"We don't share. Anything real, I mean. Not with me, anyway."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Is she still there? Gabriela?"

"Yeah."

"So she hears everything going on here?"

"No. She only hears tidbits because I focus on her not to."

"See? You're focused on her even as we are having a serious conversation."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Hallie. This isn't something I can control. It comes and goes. You know that. All I can do is control what comes through."

"You make my point so easily and you don't even know it. She's the one you share things with."

"We didn't chose it, Hallie."

"I know. But I don't get it. And I never will. I can't stand her being more intimate with you than me."

"We never had sex. Or even physical contact. I don't even know what she looks like."

"That's not the only kind of intimacy. You talk. Not in front of me, or of anyone. But you do. I know it. Sometimes I can tell she's changed your mind on something, and it's usually for the better. She knows you. Better than I ever will. You share yourself with her. And I don't want to share you."

"I can't stop it."

"You don't want to."

"She helped me more times than I can count."

"Argh. I can't do this anymore. Pack my stuff while I'm away. I'm not coming back home. This doesn't work. I'm not sure it ever had. I'm sorry."

Fighting tears, she slid her engagement and wedding rings off her finger and deposited them on his desk.

"Goodbye, Matt."

With those parting words, she left, leaving him bereft, in shock, immobile.

Their six year marriage was over.

Twenty four hours had blown it all to hell.

They were over.

There was no coming back from that.

A long while later, Matt found himself lying on his bed, silent tears falling down.

Somewhere in the middle of all that, Gabby had disappeared again.

* * *

August 19, 2012

Paris, France

It had come again. The dizziness, the headaches, the orthostatic hypotension.

It wasn't frequent, but it sometimes makes itself known. Hopefully, it hadn't affected work yet. There was no telling if it would at this point, even if it was a possibility.

And Gabby Dawson didn't want to think like that. She didn't want to believe. It was true she was tired, and it was also true that physical fatigue could trigger those three symptoms. It had happened before. It could happen again. It was not like the last four weeks had been all sunshine and roses.

Paris in summer was calm. Except when you frequented the countless touristic joints, but there were out of the way, residential neighborhoods that did lessen in their usual frenzy by the time August arrived. Less people in the streets. Less cars. Shops closing for the annual vacation of their owners.

The nature of the calls had changed a bit also. They were less frequent, but also more serious. The heatwave the city had been sweating under was making a lot of people sicker than usual. No one had been requisitioned yet, but if it continued the public caregivers could kiss most of their late August and September vacations goodbye.

Matt had been responsible for some of that tiredness, too. He had been distraught a lot lately. Work seemed to be the only place he could stay cool and calm, focused on something else. Divorce probably did that to someone, even if Gabby didn't have first hand experience. She helped as much as she could, but waking here times a week in the middle of the night was talking it's toll on her. And she couldn't change anything. She wouldn't change anything, even if that had been a possibility. And she wouldn't complain. She wouldn't talk about it, not to him. Not to anyone. Matt had way too much to deal with to ever feel anything coming from her, and Shay supported her best she could.

There was really no one anymore to ask the difficult questions. To look under the surface. Not when it was so thick.

Gabby just bore it best she could. It was week four of Hallie thirteen weeks trip to Africa and she was only waiting for one thing. For her to come back, or for Matt to get his frustration and pain and anger and everything out some other way. Whichever came first. She just hoped it came sooner rather than later, because she was getting more and more tired. And the frequency of the vertigo, headaches and orthostatic hypotension was slowly increasing.

* * *

September 15, 2012

Chicago, Illinois

"I don't want to hear it."

"Matt."

"I don't. You're the biggest ass right now. I finished packing Hallie's stuff only yesterday because I wouldn't believe it was really over, and you're picking on me about Gabby?"

"Is she there? Right now?"

"No. Thank God. It's only been seven weeks. We were together for eight years. It's a hell of a long time to be with someone. With only one person, like in the marriage wows. Which I was. Married."

"You still are."

"Only because my wife is hallway around the globe right now."

"Well, you not sharing is going to make this quick."

Matt lunged at his friend.

"Fuck you."

"I'm sorry. But Hallie... Something wasn't right. And she has a point."

"I know. I've replayed this so many times in my head I know the words by heart. I can't believe it's over. Eight years of our lives, gone in flames. I... It's hard, you know?"

"I do. Just because monogamy isn't my strong suit doesn't mean I don't get it. Eight years is a long time. So, what are you gonna do now?"

"I don't really know. One thing though, I don't want to go back to my house. It's a symbol of me failing, and I hate that. I hate feeling this powerless, and to have to wait."

"Sell it?"

"Yeah. As soon as I can."

"You know you can stay here. The rent was beginning to be a little too much."

"Kelly Severide, the big humanitarian. How much do you pay for this place anyway?"

"You don't wanna know."

"Yeah, you're right, I don't."

"Come on, let's get get some beers, and watch sports. Gabby needs her rest."

"You noticed?"

"You don't exactly hide it. Not in front of me anyway."

"Well, your thirteen year old self didn't freak out too much when I told him. I took that as a hiding-isn't-needed sign."

"It was."

"But you're right. Come on, let's go."

* * *

September 30, 2012

Paris, France

2:37 am

Once again, Gabby woke up screaming. Hearing her. Shay rushed into her room, not bothering to knock.

"What is it, sweetie?"

"Matt's injured. Something fell on his head. Something big."

Gabby could feel that the pain the collapsing roof had provoked was fading. And it could only mean one thing.

"Is it serious?"

"Yeah. He's almost unconscious. When he wakes up, he'll get a hell of a headache. And me inside his head."


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello everyone. First, I'd like to thank everyone who reviewed the last chapter, and also everyone who simply took the time to read it.**

 **Also... I'm late. I'm late. I'm late. I'm sorry.**

 **Life took a hold on me in a big, bad way so I had no time. At all.**

 **Plus, this turned out to be way longer than I anticipated. So I cut it in half, because it's been like 12 days already with no update and I'm only about halfway done.**

 **Warning : I'm mentioning cancer and Chiari malformation here and in the next few chapters. Mostly the second because of Gabby and the fact that there is no upside to having part of the brain out of its designated box. They always said writing is therapeutic and I'm done ranting. I promise.**

* * *

October 5, 2012

Paris, France

Laying on her bed, Gabby looked outside her window where the sun was slowly rising. It was still early but she was wide awake, having had trouble to sleep since Matt had linked with her before losing consciousness. She had not seen a change in days and just wanted him to wake up.

She had gotten to thinking about her most grueling work calls to distract herself when a voice jerked out of her daydreaming.

" _Gabby_?"

Matt sounded groggy, but relief flowed into Gabby at his words.

"Good morning, Matt. I wondered when you were going to regain consciousness." She was almost shouting has had suddenly sat up on her bed, making herself dizzy but not able to contain her joy.

" _Is it morning yet?_ " Matt continued talking in a slow rhythm, his voice gradually gaining steadiness.

"Yeah. But I think it's like midnight your time."

" _What day it is?_ "

"October 5."

" _Five days? I've been unconscious for five days?_ " For the first time since the beginning of their conversation, Matt reacted to her words, as incredulity laced his voice.

"Yeah."

" _What happened?"_

"From the feel of it, something fell on your head and knocked you out pretty fast. There was smoke, too." She told him the story as far as she could, which wasn't much. They hadn't been linked until a few moments before his blackout.

" _I don't remember."_

"It's okay. Maybe you will." She knew from experience that a brain injury could play many tricks to your memory.

" _Gabby_?"

"Yeah?"

She knew what was coming, she could feel the fatigue overcome him.

" _Tired_..."

"It's okay, Matt. Just sleep. I'll be here when you wake up."

Gabby knew he would probably still be kept sedated to give his body more time to recover, but sleep, medically induced or not, had never been an obstacle their conversations. Laying back on her bed, she continued watching the sun go up until the adrenalin her body had released upon his waking up wore out and she relaxed into a deep, dreamless sleep.

* * *

October 6

Almost an entire day had passed since they had talked the last time. Gabby had been called at the last minute to come fill in for a sick colleague and the night shift had been brutal. She'd just come home exhausted and had been on the verge of falling asleep after her shower when he had spoken again.

 _"I'm here_."

He didn't sound disoriented this time, but his voice still held that slow rhythm of someone searching for words.

" _Are you awake?"_

"I don't think so. I don't feel any pain, but I don't move. And my mind is... Slow."

 _"I think you're sedated."_

"You're the nurse."

" _Smart ass. I'm glad you don't seem disoriented anymore. And that even artificially asleep we can still talk_."

"It's not the first time I end up in the ICU."

" _No, but it's the first time you've spent more than one or two days in it. And you've never been sedated before_."

"Not true. I had my appendix removed when I was seven."

" _We didn't know each other back then_."

"Yeah. Good times."

" _Hey_."

"You know I'm kidding. I wouldn't go back on us for anything."

" _I know_."

Not really knowing what to say after that and not willing to go further on a conversation he could very well not remember after waking up, Gabby changed the subject to a safer ground.

"So, remember anything yet?"

" _Some images. The roof falling on my head. Sorry for the pain, by the way_."

"It's okay. It disappeared when you fell unconscious."

" _That's nice to know. But I'd rather not do it again._ "

"I agree. Anything else?"

" _Yeah. I wasn't focused."_

"What? Why?"

" _Hallie. Mostly._ "

"It never happened to you before."

 _"I hope it never will again..._ "

"Yeah, me too. I mean, the job always was the one place you could forget everything else. Nothing could ever get you off course. I mean, remember your graduation? You were so hyped up about it all that I actually saw flames in my mind..."

" _Oh, yeah. I remember._ "

 _March 6, 1998  
_

 _The ranks were perfect, the eyes bright and the weather freezing cold but sunny. On the first Friday of the month, the forty seven candidates of the first 1998 session of the Chicago Fire Academy were neatly assembled outside, in their dress blues, waiting for the ranking instructor to talk. Standing side by side, candidates Matthew Casey and Kelly Severide were doing all they could not to disrupt the peace and just start celebrating with the friends they had made the last few weeks._

 _"Congratulations, gentlemen. You graduated the CFD Fire Academy. Today, you joined a family. Take care of it, and it will take care of you. Honor the uniform, and it will give back to you ten-fold. Trust that you don't know everything, and that you will learn every day. What you were taught here made you candidates. What you will do with it on the job will make you firemen. Some of you will go on to Rescue or Engine. Others will become Lieutenants, Captains, or more. Wherever you go, there is only one thing that really counts. You are here to protect this city, and to serve its citizens. Be proud of it, and it will be proud of you. Thank you."_

 _The Captain then called for all instructors to come out and salute the graduating class. The second he dismissed the ranks, the candidates exploded in cheers and pure joy, hugging and shouting for the feat they had accomplished today._

 _"So, where they're sending you?"_

 _"Firehouse 51."_

 _"I hear they have a rescue squad, and the Captain just took command two months ago."_

 _"Yeah, Captain Boden. My father worked with him on Squad back in the day. I met him once, a long time ago. I know my dad doesn't like the chief, but I will from my own opinion."_

 _"So high minded, Kel."_

 _Hey, I wouldn't like to be judged on things my dad did, so I'm not judging the guy on something I heard before I turned ten."_

 _"Yeah, you're right."_

 _"So, where are you going?"_

 _"32."_

 _"Man, that's across town."_

 _"I know. I guess I'll have to resort to see your ugly face at the barbecue or on days off, because the chance we'll get called on the same location is..."_

 _"Slim."_

 _"Yeah."_

 _"Hey, maybe we'll be assigned somewhere closer once we make Lieutenant."_

 _"Not thinking too far ahead, are you, Kelly?"_

 _"You got to have ambition, man."_

 _"Right now my ambition is not to make a complete fool out of myself the first day on truck."_

 _"Pussy."_

 _"Fuck you."_

 _"Hey, forget all the seriousness that is you for a second. We're here. We made it."_

 _"Yeah. Congrats, man."_

 _"Congrats. Now, come on. We got to find somewhere and celebrate properly."_

 _On that last remark, the two friend and some others left the grounds and went on their merry way, set upon celebrating their graduation any way they could._

"There's a lot about this day that is blurry. Kelly knew how to party even then."

"I bet."

"Come on, didn't you ever celebrate?"

"Sure I did. Graduating high school. And nursing school. But some of the best memories aren't always a celebration. Sometimes it's just a random event that led to much more."

"Like?"

"You remember meeting Kelly?"

"We were like six years old. I really don't."

"I remember meeting Shay."

"No way."

"Yes, way. First day of nursing school."

"I don't think you ever told me this one."

"Okay, here we go..."

 _September 4, 2000_

 _Paris, France_

 _The weather was cloudy without wind, the temperatures a few degrees down from their usual point. Traffic passed incessantly, people going to and coming from work , never noticing the crowd forming near the nine story building. From the outside, if you didn't see the plaque, you wouldn't believe the narrow building actually was a school. A nursing school, to be exact. Placed just on the other side of the boulevard from Bichat Claude-Bernard hospital. The northern Paris hospital dominated the neighborhood with its fifteen story and even higher water tower. The place was known for its very busy emergency room, the three infectious diseases unit and heart-lung transplants._

 _Concentrated on themselves and on not getting lost in everything, the 120 members of the 2000-2003 promotion were tentatively beginning conversations with each other, trying to find some common ground. Willing to blend, eighteen year old Gabby Dawson was taking part in all of it. But for now, common ground wasn't happening. And if things usually went as they did, it wouldn't happen for some time._

 _By the time 10 rolled, everyone had been showed inside the school, and told to take place in the only amphitheater large enough to have everyone for the welcoming and general presentation before being separated into groups._

 _Taking it in, Gabby had decided to stop trying so hard, and to let things go. It had been a sometimes winning strategy, with more successes as she had gotten older. There was no reason it couldn't work sometime during the next three years._

 _"I'm Shay."_

 _Gabby looked up and saw a hand being extended in front of her. She followed it and soon found the person making herself known._

 _"It's a weird name. I'm Gabby." If there was something she wasn't good at, it was diplomacy when startled._

 _"Well, I hate my first name so I decided since I can't change it not to use it."_

 _"Well. I'm not really sold on mine either but no way I'm going with Dawson."_

 _The thin, apparently tall blond was something else. Gabby had never met someone like her. And it was doing curious things to her usual reserved nature, like enjoying responding in kind._

 _"You're not gay, by any chance?"_

 _"No. Why?"_

 _"Bummer. Because I am. You would have made a great girlfriend. Okay, fine. You'll make a good friend instead."_

 _"I'll make a great friend."_

 _"If you say so."_

 _"I do."_

 _Shay's hand hadn't moved from its position, extended over Gabby's writing table. Not hesitating a second anymore, she took and shook it with all the enthusiasm she had in her. If Shay didn't stop her studies, or move far away, maybe she'd have a friend for the next three years. Having one she could actually see would be a nice change, indeed._

"From that moment on I knew we'd be great friends."

" _She's so not like you. Nowhere near, in fact_."

"Yeah. Back then, I was way more timid than I am now. What can I say, opposites attract."

" _You got that right."_

"She didn't judge, and couldn't stand to be judged. She's a lot like you, in fact."

" _Thank you. Hey, I have a question before I let you go to sleep_."

"Do you feel that?"

" _What, your exhaustion_?"

"Yeah."

 _"I do_."

"Sorry."

" _Don't be. I'm not too fresh myself, I could definitely do with some sleep. So, how did she find out you had a guy in you head?_ "

"I had to tell her after she moved in. She would have caught me eventually so I took a chance on her."

" _When was that?"_

"Midway though nursing school."

 _February, 2002_

 _Second year was almost halfway done and the February air was invigorating anyone crazy enough to stay outside in the wind. Gabby had come to find her friend staying on the steps in front of the school with the smokers, and had dragged her all the way to the ninth floor where she was sure they wouldn't be interrupted._

 _She had been seeing her best friend struggle for a while but Shay had always told her off one way or another. As the year was advancing, the usually bright and quirky Shay was being replaced by someone more moody and less inclined to smile. Furthermore, the excellent student she had been was slipping, and the school was beginning to notice it a little too much. Knowing what could happen, including a failed year and possible expulsion from the school, Gabby had decided to get to the bottom of things. One way or another._

 _Step one was privacy from the ninth floor._

 _Step two was not letting it go._

 _Step three would be volunteering help, in any way, shape or form. But she wasn't there yet._

 _"How you doing, Shay?"_

 _"Fine."_

 _"Shay."_

 _"I am."_

 _"Tell that to our professors when they'll declare you as failed for your second year from the top ten of the promotion. I think they'll think the same thing I am right now. Bullshit."_

 _"I'm not failing."_

 _"Yes, you are. You screwed up the last practice exam, and you're not doing much better with the written tests. You're not gonna get another chance, because they can't give it to you."_

 _"Who would do good with a subject like psychiatry?"_

 _"Anyone who actually studied. I know you. You love this. You're a good student. What's happening?"_

 _"It doesn't matter anymore. I'm dropping out."_

 _"WHAT?" Gabby's reaction was heard five floors down where the first years were practicing._

 _"I'm dropping out."_

 _"You can't. Why? You can't."_

 _"I can't afford it."_

 _"Did you lose your job?"_

 _"No, but its not enough. It's never been enough, but I've been living off the money I received when my parents died three years ago. I've had unexpected bills and it's not gonna be enough to cover me until we graduate. At this rate, be next school year I'm going to have to choose between rent or food. And you know I can't do any more hours because of the unusual hours of our future profession."_

 _"Then come live with us."_

 _"What?"_

 _"I'm serious. My mom can't work anymore because of the chemo, and the health insurance doesn't cover her entire salary. Rent and food are going to be a problem not too far from now if things stay this way."_

 _"And you never told me?" Shay voice was dripping with indignation._

 _"Look who's talking."_

 _"Yeah. Okay." Like a miracle, Gabby saw a real smile grace her friends face for the first time in a long time._

 _"Just like that?"_

 _"Just like that. I've seen your place, so I know there's room for me and I do have a small salary which could help us plenty. When can I move in?"_

 _"As soon as you can. But I have to tell you something first."_

 _Gabby had been dreading the time she would have had to tell someone other than her mom about Matt. Confronted to the reality of this suddenly urgent need, she gathered her courage and spoke her mind._

 _"Okay. You may think I'm crazy after I tell you what I have to tell you. Keep in mind it's true, And I can prove it, just not right now."_

 _Intrigued, Shay didn't respond and waited for her friend to continue._

 _"So. I have a guy in my head."_

 _"You... Have a guy in your head."_

 _"Yes."_

 _"And?"_

 _"What do you want to know?"_

 _"What's it like?"_

 _"Well. He can be very annoying. And infuriating. And nice. And sweet. And outside of you and mom he's the best friend I ever had."_

 _"When can I meet him?"_

 _"There's a catch. He lives in Chicago."_

 _"As in Chicago, USA?"_

 _"Yes. He's a firefighter. He just passed his lieutenants exam and he's waiting for a promotion."_

 _"What does he look like?"_

 _"I don't know."_

 _"You mean you've never seen him?"_

 _"No. I just know he's blond and he's 23."_

 _"You've been friends for how long?"_

 _"Ten years."_

 _"Okay. I want to tall to him."_

 _"First chance I get, you will."_

 _Shay stayed silent for a time, before sparking again._

 _"Okay. I'm moving in next week end."_

" _She just assumed I was real_?"

"You are real."

" _Sure, but you have to admit the I-got-a-guy-in-my-head routine is a bit crazy_."

"You have a wonderful sense for euphemisms. It's bat-shit, restraints-and-heavy-medication crazy. Amazingly, it didn't shock her that much. And she took to talking to you like a fish to water. What can I say, it's Shay."

" _Kelly jumped out of his skin the first time we linked. I did, too_."

"He was there?"

" _Unfortunately, my entire English class was there_."

"Oops."

" _Yeah. But that's okay. They had other things to deal with at 13 than a possibly crazy classmate, so I quickly became yesterday's news. Kelly didn't believe me until he witnessed it again the second time around, when my mom was sent to jail. He saw you were the biggest part of my support system and that was okay with him. So you were okay with him_."

"I'll have to thank him one day. By the way, are they here?"

" _Who_?"

"Your friends at 51."

 _"No. It's the middle of the day here, they're probably on shift. Since I have to focus on you when we talk I don't really focus on them much. But I know I'm not moving my lips and talking so this is good._ "

"Doesn't it tire you?"

 _"It does. One, I'm not half as exhausted as you are and two, I love your company. But you're right. You need rest and you should sleep. Good night._ "

"Yeah, I do. I'll see you when you wake up. Good rest."

With that, the communication stopped. Gabby fell asleep instantly, the emotional worry and physical demands of her job taking a toll on her.

* * *

October 7

Paris, France

8:58 pm

Gabby removed the key from the lock and entered her apartment, just coming home from work after another grueling day. The autumn leaves and rain played tricks on everyone, causing unwary drivers to end up in the metaphorical ditch more often than usual.

The on-scene losses and possible future casualties of the road were always a shock to her, like a storyboard of mangled cars and torn bodies. The day had not been without its personal difficulties too. The emotional and physical fatigue was taking a bigger toll on her every day, and for the third time in a row it had been impossible to function throughout the day without taking anti inflammatory meds. Hopefully with Matt improving every day and eventually getting out of his medically induced sleep she should regain momentum every day and just move past it.

There was one good thing she could say about being a nurse. She knew what to take and how best to act to reduce those gigantic migraines of hers. And since morphine-based analgesics didn't do anything, she could continue working without putting anyone in danger because of a bigger reaction period or being dizzy from the medication itself. On that last point, vertigo meds did the trick most of the time. And when it didn't, she just had to push through.

After taking a shower, she fell asleep the second her head hit the pillow. Her deep, dreamless sleep continued until Matt's voice woke her up around 4.

" _Gabby. I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were sleeping._ "

"It's okay. I'm not the one lying in the ICU."

" _Can we continue_?"

"Continue what?"

" _Well, on the rare occasion I hear doctors talking by my side, the two of us talking seems to help me. Don't ask my why, but jostling my memory like we've been doing is beneficial. And since I'm not a complete dork and I love to hear about you, we have to continue as we are, the both of us reminiscing."_

"And you love it."

" _You bet I do._ "

"Okay. What next?"

" _Graduation. And since we already went over mine_..."

"Nothing of notice happened in your life up to December of 2003? Not even Hallie?"

" _No. I just made lieutenant in October of that year and got promoted to Truck 81. Back then Kelly was still a firefighter gearing up for the lieutenants exam. He had been on rescue for a year and he had gotten a reputation as a skilled man on the job and as a potential leader. Chief Boden helped him stay at 51 after his promotion. By December we were working at 51 with Herrmann, Cruz and Mouch but that's about it. It already was a family, the same way it is now_."

"And Hallie?"

" _Do the math Gabby, I met her almost a year later. I didn't have anyone serious before her. Nothing lasting above a couple of months._ "

"Okay, if you say so. You were there, though, when I received my diploma. And you were very attentive and very careful not to say anything because you knew I'd answer."

" _I was. That's true. I have lasting images in my mind of crepes and cake and soft drinks and a ceremony inside and you being valedictorian._ "

"I was. And there was cake and crepes and soft drinks. And a ceremony inside for the diplomas. The entire class had taken the day off our last internship, which more often than not ended up being our real jobs the very next day."

" _I made myself small, because that's what we do when we feel we're impeding on something that could just be reminisced later. Or if talking could get us in trouble._ "

"I know. You congratulated me when you heard others do so and since your French does encompass 'thank you', it flowed into the general conversation."

" _Hey. My French encompasses way more than thank you._ "

"Now it does. Then it definitely didn't."

" _You're right. French isn't my strong suit_."

"Tell me something I don't know."

" _Hey. Not fair. I'm sick_."

"Yeah? Me too." Gabby realized her mistake as soon as the words left her mouth. She wasn't. She wasn't.

" _What_?"

"I'm kidding."

" _Okay_."

"I am."

" _I said okay. I believe you. And I'm changing the subject. You weren't there when I met Hallie_."

"Which is a good thing because I think I would have told you not to bother."

" _Again, not fair. Especially since we're still married._ "

"I'm sorry. I'm just tired."

" _Okay. So. The day I met Hallie_..."

* * *

 **Any suggestion about how Matt met Hallie? I'm stuck on that point. Thank you again for reading, and if you have a few minutes to leave a review...**


End file.
